Tuesday, June 22, 2010

FF is a MindF.

Who am I kidding when I say that I'm trying not to think about the 2ww or how badly I want to be pregnant before my shoulda-been due date.  (Do I sound like a broken record yet?  Sorry about that.)

I did a fine job of not really thinking about timing our "extra curriculars" this month...we just did what we wanted when we wanted, which is how we got pregnant the first time.  But now that I'm inching ever closer to the dreaded CD 28, I can't help but look at my chart multiple times a day and compare it to my other charts and charts that resulted in pregnancy on Fertility Friend.  Even though I'm not tracking any symptoms this month besides CM and when we travel (in case my temps are affected), I've still got 49 points out of 100 on the early pregnancy signs chart.  (just one more reason I decided to give in and compare my chart).

Big. Fat. Mistake.  When I filtered for charts resulting in pregnancy that matched my O day, BD patterns, and post O temps, out of all the charts in the FF gallery, only ONE result was returned and it wasn't even that close to mine.  When I took out the O day, I got a whopping 4 results, and three of them were people that had been TTC for 3 months or less (lucky biotches)

That kinda takes the wind out of my sails.  I wasn't feeling super positive this cycle, but I wasn't feeling negative, either.  My temps are too inconclusive right now to tell me anything, really. 

Now I feel like that damn elephant that I wanna be just stomped on my heart.

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