8dpiui

It's been 8 days now.  I'm not sure how I feel, really.  I think that the hcg has definitely caused some symptoms for me, because I've been tired, had headaches, and I have the sorest nips in the world!  That's never happened before, but I'm not too hopeful about it, because it's still too early to tell, in my opinion.  I want to get my hopes up so badly, but I know that if I do, it'll just be harder if we get another BFN.

I've been writing in my little IF journal a lot, and I've been knitting a lot (mostly for my girl Tarah, whose due date is quickly approaching!), and I had my massage on Monday, so that was nice.  I have also been having some girl time with friends, which has been great, although one of my friends basically told me the other day that she thought I needed to find something else to occupy my time because I sit around and think too much.  As much as I don't want to admit it, I think she's right.  The day after that, my substitute teaching paperwork finally came through, and I have my first assignment tomorrow, so that's exciting.  I am nervous, though!  It's been over three years since I've been in a classroom, and I'm a bit intimidated.  It'll be fine, I hear it's just like riding a bike, but right now there's definitely some anxiety!

The other day, I found someone I know IRL who has gone through IF and is now deciding to adopt.  Even though this is premature, I decided to reach out to her and let her know that I understand how difficult infertility is and that I'm so happy that she and her husband are finally going to be parents.  I also asked her what processes they've gone through in order to make the adoption happen, just in case it gets to that point for us.  Grouper thinks that I'm jumping the gun, but I like to know exactly what I'm getting into before it happens.  I want to be prepared for every scenario. 

Based on that discussion, we had another big discussion.  We were saying how crazy it is that the amount of money we've spent on this "basic" cycle is so much more than we were initially told, and how much more expensive IVF will be, and whether it's really worth it if it doesn't work.  So I asked him about adoption and what he thought.  He said that it's a lot of paperwork and there will be a lot of stuff to do and it'll be very stressful.....and then he said, "We have a good life, we're happy...would it really be the end of the world if we never have kids?"   I was floored.  The more we talked about it, the more I figured out that he only said that because he doesn't want to put any more pressure on me than there already is, it's not because he doesn't want children - he wants them just as badly as I do, maybe even more so.  We came to the conclusion that we're going to do IUI for at least one or two cycles after this (you know, since we didn't do the full procedure this month), and then we'll have some serious soul searching to do.

I guess, that once again, the only thing we can do is wait.  Man, that gets old.