It's really hard to quit cold turkey.

So I know I'm supposed to be on a sabbatical of sorts.  And I am.  It's true.  I called the RE and told them that we're taking the summer off to prove (mostly to myself) that I mean business. 

My thermometer has been in the drawer for almost two weeks. 

My skin is slowly but surely seeming to clear up a bit because I'm not on those ghastly hormones.

Grouper and I are doing what we want when we want - take that however you see fit.  ;)

And it's fantastic, really it is.  I don't think about TTC or infertility as much as I have been.

BUT.

I have a pregnant sister in law.  I have a ton of pregnant friends, some of who I'm trying to knit for at the moment.  I see babies and pregos EVERYWHERE, seriously.  Almost all of the IF blogs I follow are no longer IF blogs, but are now pregnancy or new mommy blogs.  Facebook, as per usual, is chocked full of pictures of bellies and babies and ultrasounds and announcements of babies to come.

And then it's impossible to ignore.  The worst time for me (as it's always been) is when I'm laying in bed, trying to sleep.  I start thinking about how happy we are and that's the truth, but I can't deny the fact that I feel a sense of emptiness that most likely won't be filled until we're parents.  And then that makes me feel like a huge pretender.  Like I'm denying the truth.

I was reading my book last night (The Weird Sisters, I like it so far) and I came across a quote that caught my eye.

"What do you do if you keep losing the game?  You take your marbles and go home."

I guess that's what I've done, but the bottom line is, I still want to play, just without all the hassle and disappointment.  I'm very competitive, and I'm not a quitter.  This makes me feel like I'm quitting. 

So anyway, I just had to get that off my chest.  Back to my regularly scheduled sabbatical and life as a poser.