Saturday, April 2, 2011

Last ditch effort for a while.....

Today we had our IUI.  The sample was great, we had 27.4 million sperm with 89% motility.  I have 2 follicles that should be mature by now, even though we didn't do a follow up U/S.  They are also going to be doing a more extended analysis on this sample (including the morphology, which they think is our issue) and sending that into the urologist first thing Monday.  Grouper had his U/S on Friday and it was just a tech who did it, so he didn't find anything out.  When they compile the U/S results and the SA stats, then we'll go in for another consultation with the urologist and he'll tell us whether varicocele surgery is an option or if the morphology just is how it is.  At that point, we'll make the decision whether we're going to keep doing IUI or adopt.  I just can't see putting my body through IVF.  It's just not for me, I don't think.  I've had a really hard time being on all of this medication for the past few months.  I've gained two bra sizes, I have the worst acne (especially on my back, it's disgusting) that I've ever had in my life, I get headaches, I'm moody.....and to me, I think I can love a child regardless if it's biologically mine or not.  We are going through with everything this month - I have a blood draw next Friday and that will determine if I need progesterone support (yet another NASTY thing that I'm not looking forward to at all), and if this month is a bust, we're done for a while.  I think we'll take the summer off, at least that's our plan now.  We just moved back to a house on a lake with a pool, I want to enjoy that.  I have a wedding to be in and I have to wear a strapless dress - if I can stop being so acnified and lose some boobage between now and then, I'll be fine with that. I want to golf.  I want to ride on the back of Grouper's Harley.  I have a chance to go to Disney World in August - I just don't want to be thinking about fertility treatments in the midst of all that.  It's consuming me right now and I'm tired of infertility running our lives. I want to be selfish for a while, and I think that I (well, really we, because Grouper has to deal with my insanity through it all) have a right to that after doing all this stuff.   I've come to the realization that our lives are absolutely WONDERFUL with the exception of this one setback, and I want to embrace all that we are so blessed to have and enjoy time with my husband for a while.  Then, in the fall, we'll either go back to fertility treatments or start going to some adoption seminars.  We may actually do that this month - I've found one in our area, and it won't hurt to do that, just to get some information and educate ourselves.  I'm so lucky in that Grouper is totally fine with whatever I decide and I feel like we're really on the same page with everything - I know that's not the case for all couples going through this, so I feel really blessed. 

I guess I'm in a good place......well, maybe it's more like, a "whatever happens, happens," place, but for now, that's good enough for me.


  1. I'm glad you're in a good place, Gidget. I felt similarly to how you do in our last IUI cycle: focused on all the fantastic stuff I had going on in my life, ready to start exploring next steps when it didn't work out, feeling really good about where I am. Of course, things did work out (so far, knock wood) and I hope they do for you, too. But even if they hadn't, I know I would have been okay, and you will too.

    Sending lots of good luck vibes your way.

  2. I'm glad you're in a good place too. I'm crossing my fingers that this will be your month though!

    I'm also hoping the urologist will have some good suggestions for you too. So far for us it seems like morphology problems are hard because they don't always know what caused it.

  3. This sounds good, Gidget! I'm in a similar place as what you describe here, and I hope the recent results have not affected how you feel. For the moment I want to enjoy the life I have -- it's a "whatever happens, happens" phase, yes, and who knows how long it'll last, but I'll take it.