Wednesday, March 17, 2010

"I'm calling you with hope."

Those were the words my sister-in-law said to me last night when I answered the phone, right before she told me she is pregnant.

At first, I just sat there.  Then I said, "What?!?" because she had just told me the other day that they were out of the running for this month.  I guess not.  She said she started feeling weird last night so she took a test, and she's pregnant.  It'll be a Turkey baby, due in late November.

I initially got really upset, but of course I was on the phone with her, so I couldn't show it.  I shouldn't be upset at all.  I'm very happy for her, just unhappy for me, which is totally selfish and unfair of me to do.  She had a miscarriage a couple months before I did and had to have cysts removed back in September and she's just now pregnant.  She knows what road I'm on right now.  Even though she was trying to encourage me that there is hope, and yes, I do believe that....I can't help but feel that the pressure is really on now.  The one ally I had in the family, the one who understands what's going on, has switched to "the other side."  Maybe I should give her more credit than that, but I can already hear the words coming out of her mouth---"Hurry up and get pregnant already!"

I want nothing more than to be pregnant with her.  They live very close to us in Michigan, so when we move back, we'll see a lot of each other, and we're really good friends.  She'll probably be totally compassionate, but I can't say the same for my fertile myrtle SIL and my MIL.  You know, the ones who told me, "If you just relax and stop worrying, it'll happen" when they saw me telling my now-pregnant SIL about FF.  "Why are you worried about taking your temperature?  That's a waste of time?"  And yes, there was a time when I felt the same way, but now I just find the comment to be very off-putting and ignorant.  (If I ever made any comments like that to anyone, I'm hereby apologizing.)

So that makes three pregnancy announcements I've heard since last Friday....and I was doing so well about being relaxed and not stressed.  Now I'm stressed again.  And bummed.  But very excited for a new niece or SIL already has twins and she had a very difficult pregnancy, so she told me to cross my fingers that it's just one baby this time.  I was thinking, "I'll take the other one."  

Sigh.  Thank goodness Grouper and I leave for vacation on Friday.  I need some MAJOR relaxation.

I am proud to say that I haven't cried, though.  Let's see how long I can keep that streak alive.


  1. I wish I could give you a hug right now. I hate that stab to the heart that comes with every pregnancy announcement, especially the ones you know you would have been over the moon for if you weren't in this shitbox of a situation.

    You're a brave girl and you'll get through it. And then SIL will be nothing but thrilled for you when you get your sticky baby.

  2. God, do I know how you feel right now. We can be on the "same side" together. ::Hugs::

  3. Wow, that sucks.

    I mean, I am always happy to hear that someone who has struggled with IF has managed to overcome it, but it just makes things that much harder on you. Like you need any more complicated emotions right now!!!

  4. I hope that you're right behind her and you do get to share some of this experience.


  5. Oh sweetie, I think I would have the exact emotions you are having right now. I dread taking phone calls from friends/family members who could possibly be calling to tell me their big news. It's hard, that's all there is to it. I am just hoping that you will get to be the one making the phone calls to your friends/family very soon and telling them your big news. Hugs!

  6. We could not be in more similar situations, my bestie just dropped that bomb on me as well. Luckily it was over email, and I could get upset...and I cried, HARD. And I hate that's how I reacted, so kudos for you for keeping it together. But I felt exactly the same way...if IVF wasn't pressure enough now its really on. I would give anything to be preggers with her, and I know she wants that too and I'm so worried IVF won't work and I'll let us both down, ugh. Hang in there hun, hoping we both get to move to the other side very very soon.

  7. I know there's nothing I can say to make hearing that bit of news any easier.. Just know I'm sending you a virtual hug, and that your time will come... Thinking of you

  8. *hugs* It sucks to hear that news when you're struggling yourself and the mixed emotions are draining. Just look forward to your vacation and let yourself enjoy the moment. Hopefully you get some much needed R&R!