"I'm calling you with hope."

Those were the words my sister-in-law said to me last night when I answered the phone, right before she told me she is pregnant.

At first, I just sat there.  Then I said, "What?!?" because she had just told me the other day that they were out of the running for this month.  I guess not.  She said she started feeling weird last night so she took a test, and she's pregnant.  It'll be a Turkey baby, due in late November.

I initially got really upset, but of course I was on the phone with her, so I couldn't show it.  I shouldn't be upset at all.  I'm very happy for her, just unhappy for me, which is totally selfish and unfair of me to do.  She had a miscarriage a couple months before I did and had to have cysts removed back in September and she's just now pregnant.  She knows what road I'm on right now.  Even though she was trying to encourage me that there is hope, and yes, I do believe that....I can't help but feel that the pressure is really on now.  The one ally I had in the family, the one who understands what's going on, has switched to "the other side."  Maybe I should give her more credit than that, but I can already hear the words coming out of her mouth---"Hurry up and get pregnant already!"

I want nothing more than to be pregnant with her.  They live very close to us in Michigan, so when we move back, we'll see a lot of each other, and we're really good friends.  She'll probably be totally compassionate, but I can't say the same for my fertile myrtle SIL and my MIL.  You know, the ones who told me, "If you just relax and stop worrying, it'll happen" when they saw me telling my now-pregnant SIL about FF.  "Why are you worried about taking your temperature?  That's a waste of time?"  And yes, there was a time when I felt the same way, but now I just find the comment to be very off-putting and ignorant.  (If I ever made any comments like that to anyone, I'm hereby apologizing.)

So that makes three pregnancy announcements I've heard since last Friday....and I was doing so well about being relaxed and not stressed.  Now I'm stressed again.  And bummed.  But very excited for a new niece or nephew......my SIL already has twins and she had a very difficult pregnancy, so she told me to cross my fingers that it's just one baby this time.  I was thinking, "I'll take the other one."  

Sigh.  Thank goodness Grouper and I leave for vacation on Friday.  I need some MAJOR relaxation.

I am proud to say that I haven't cried, though.  Let's see how long I can keep that streak alive.