Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Licensed to Breed

Ok, so this is going to sound terrible and awful and totally like something that comes out of the mouth of a bitter person who is having a few trials and tribulations in the babymaking department, but I'm gonna say it.

Sometimes I wonder if there should seriously be a written test that people have to take and pass with flying colors before being allowed to have children.

Am I saying this because I'm jealous of people with children? No. I'm saying this because there are so many cases (on TV, in the news, and even amongst people I'm acquainted with) in which some people just should be forbidden to procreate. The children are the ones who end up suffering and paying the price for their parents' poor decision-making.  I'm not saying those people shouldn't procreate EVER (well, some of them shouldn't), but I am saying that I find it completely unjust that people who are as prepared as one can possibly be and can give a child everything they need (I'm not necessarily talking about just myself here, I'm talking about the HUNDREDS and THOUSANDS of people who struggle with IF) aren't able to have children when some people who are complete deadbeats and child abusers have many, many, many children and then scar the kids for life in more ways than one. I know, that sounds terrible to say, doesn't it?  Too bad. I don't say things like that without having a few examples to back me up. Here are a few cases that back up my point that I've heard of just recently.

Case 1: A guy in Indiana (who lives quite close to where I grew up) was just arrested for locking his 10 year old son with special needs in his basement EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT for six months. They found bodily waste in every room of the house and in close proximity to the deflated air mattress that the boy was sleeping on each night. He didn't even have a pillow, he used a balled up sweatshirt. Not only that, the father had LEFT HIM at the house with notes on what to do to take care of himself while he went to Florida for a few days. And this guy has a kid? (Here's a link to the news story if you don't believe's disgusting.)

Case 2: Backstory: When I wasn't working, I became hooked on some crappy talk shows, one being Dr. Phil, and they had a family that they focused on regularly. Ok, anyway--He's still focusing on them, and the daughter of this family, who is 22, has two children with two different men. She got pregnant with the first one when she was 14, the second when she was 20. She is no longer with either of the fathers--the second father just got out of jail. Both children are in custody of their grandparents due to allegations of both drug use by her and abuse of her children by someone, but she's denying it was her or anyone associated with her. She's fighting to get custody back, but she is now pregnant with a THIRD baby by a third guy, who the lawyers have advised to move out of the house while she's trying to get custody of the other two. She doesn't have a steady job or income, and even though everyone is telling her to move closer to where her children are in order to be closer to them, she's choosing to ignore them and stay in the house with her new fiance. I know I shouldn't watch this crap, but it's like a train wreck, I can't look away. Anyway....she doesn't have money to provide for the two children she has, they aren't in her custody, AND she's pregnant again? REALLY!?!?!?!

Case 3: There's a girl I went to high school with who got married right after college. Shortly after her wedding, when she and her husband were just starting to get established in an apartment and their new jobs, she found out she was pregnant. She told everyone that "the pharmacy gave her placebo birth control" and that it was an accident and she wasn't even sure she wanted kids for years. All she did was complain about being pregnant. She had a beautiful daughter. A year and a half later, she was pregnant again. This time? She was on antibiotics and her birth control "didn't work." All she did was complain about how they had no money and how being a mom was great, but she missed not being able to go out and party with everyone else, blah blah blah. She gave birth to a beautiful son.  Her husband lost his job.  She was staying home with the kids to save money on childcare.  Her daughter had some health problems, her son had to get tubes in his ears.  Eventually, she and the kids moved 2 hours north to live with her mom while her husband looked for work.  What happened next?  She got pregnant AGAIN!!  This time with a girl.  So she is 26 with three kids, and now all she does is complain about how tired she is or how one kid got into such and such and wrecked it, or how they're all sick, or they don't have money, or they don't have a babysitter, or blah blah blah.  Um, hello?  I just want to smack people like that for so many reasons. 

I could go on forever, but I won't.....this rant is getting long enough, but I will say this:

My point here: I am NOT wishing infertility on anyone...quite the contrary. I realize that there is never a *perfect* time to have children and it's not always possible to "plan" for their arrival, but at the same time....once kids are here, they're not only a BLESSING, they are also a huge responsibility, and whether the new parents like it or not, their lives have just changed forever and they must adjust accordingly. I get SO ANGRY at people who don't realize what a precious gift they have been given. So angry that they could abuse those gifts, neglect those gifts, deprive their gifts of what those children rightfully deserve. So angry that they have the opportunity of a lifetime that so many other people hope and pray for endlessly and never receive--and then they squander it. So angry that people choose trivial things over their children.  I guess it all boils down to the fact that sometimes, bad things happen to good people and sometimes good things happen to bad people, and that's just the way the world works. 

But I still say--IT'S NOT FAIR.

Thanks for reading.  Rant over.  :)


  1. You're right, it's not fair. There is nothing you can do but shake your head and wonder....

  2. I wish I had a dollar for every time I have thought that. You need a license to drive a car, get married, go *fishing*, but any moron can procreate. Having worked in daycare, I can tell you, not even to the extremes you mentioned, I had to wonder... If not how these people are parents in the first place, then why on earth they would have *more* children, when they stomped around acting like just the first one was such an inconvenience.

  3. I'm not gonna lie, I've had a few scares where I was dumb and not careful. One in high school (YIKES), one when I was a sophomore in college (not great, but better than high school) and one a few months ago. I still panicked a few months ago, but I realized that it's okay. It isn't the plan, but it's okay.

    You're right though. Some people should need to take a test.

  4. I see it in the Court system everyday. You can read about some of the more disturbing cases I've seen on my blog. I also have motions hearings in a parent/child murder at the end of the month and a biological parent/sex abuse of a minor case at the end of the month. It makes me sad to be a human being, knowing that these children would thrive if they had different parents.... ... ...

  5. How about the lady whose 8 day old baby suffocated in one of those baby slings while she walked across the parking lot to costco (who doesn't check on their 8 day old baby every 1 second?!?! hello?), but who then "felt better" because she got pregnant again. Like, does she care at ALL? Amazing. Like I keep saying, if only the "mothering" gene was linked to the gene for the ability to have kids (ok and to the gene for 'childbearing' hips), so that everyone who couldn't have kids would also not want them and have supermodel pelvises. While people who want and take care of kids would all get to have them.

  6. I completely agree and you are not the only one who feels that way. I do have a little boy but I cherish him every day. I even pray over him when he is in his crib sleeping at night and say "God, if you choose to take him away from me, that is ok because I know he will be with you and I know I am blessed every day that you have given him to me. I don't want you to take him away, but know you will take care of him if you do. Thank you for giving me this precious gift and help me to never take his health or his life for granted." I just don't get how some people care so little for one of the greatest gifts they will ever receive. You are right on! :)